It’s Cold

Photo by Dane Gustafson.

So it’s been four months since my last post.

The past four months can be summed up in two words; “It’s cold”. That’s really all there is to it. Nothing new, nothing exciting, nothing at all. Just cold.

But having friends all over the country is pretty neat. Although not when you live in New England. Why, you ask? Because hearing them complain about their weather just makes you mad.

• “I’ve had to drive in the snow three times already! I’ve had enough!” Oh really? I’ve driven in the snow more times than I’ve not.
• “It’s cold outside, it’s 55 degrees!” It’s 54 degrees in my bedroom right now.
• “I’m planning a beach trip for tomorrow.” That’s cool, I’m trying to start the car in -11 degrees F so I can go to church.
• “My driveway is entirely covered in ice! This is crazy!” My state is entirely covered in ice.
• “We got 6 inches of snow, everything in town is closed.” We got 27 inches of snow and my brother still has school.

It’s cold.

But unfortunately, the climate is not all that those two words describe. I finished work on the farm for the winter, and haven’t been able to find a job since then. I hardly ever get out of the house, because I have nowhere to go, nothing to do, no money to spend, and even if I did half the time I can’t get out because of the three feet of snow we’ve been under since November. It’s cold.

To be bluntly honest; I’m miserable. I’m going out of my mind bored, I’m frustrated with my completely fruitless job-hunt, and I’m alone. I honestly think this has been the roughest winter I’ve ever had.

But despite all of that, this is the best winter I’ve had since 2000. Now I know I just said that it’s been the roughest winter, but that’s only from a situational viewpoint. The only thing that sets apart this winter from the rest can be summed up in one word; “Hope”.

Winters have always been hard for me. The short days, being locked up inside because of the ice and snow, and the height of responsibilities at school. And through every past winter, all of those things have caused me to relapse horribly with my depression. I would always spiral into a state of desolation, feeling like I’d never again feel happy. But this winter, despite all the junk that’s made me feel so down, I know it’s temporary. I know it will pass. I know brighter days are ahead. I know God has plans for my future, even if those plans aren’t too clear right now.

So now I just have to wait for the ice to melt. Both literally and metaphorically. I’ll be heading back to work on the farm in the spring, and maybe then life will begin to actually feel like I’m living.

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